Well, it’s finally official. Sean Spicer
is out and Sarah Huckabee Sanders is in. Rumors had abounded for weeks that President
Trump had lost confidence in his press secretary and was looking to replace him.
So it was not surprising to see the recent chain of events leading to the
appointment of Sanders as press secretary and Antony Scaramucci as White House
communications director, particularly given that anonymous sources within the
administration had already earlier leaked the following job questionnaire:
THE
WHITE HOUSE
NEW PRESS
SECRETARY QUESTIONNAIRE
NAME: ___________________
AGE: ____
SEX: Male ___
Female ____
PARTY
AFFILIATION: Republican _____
Other _____ (if “Other”, dispose
of questionnaire in nearest wastebasket)
ARE
YOU FAMILIAR WITH TWITTER? Yes ___
No ___ (if “No”, this is not the job for you)
DO
YOU BELIEVE PRESIDENT TRUMP REGARDLESS OF WHAT HE SAYS? Yes
___ No ___
Maybe ___ (only “Yes” respondents need continue;
“Maybe” just doesn’t cut it even if the President issues contradictory
statements or tweets)
CAN
YOU BE LOYAL TO PRESIDENT TRUMP?
Absolutely ___ You betcha
____ So long as he is honest and
loyal to me ____ (We want to see both the first and second
entries checked off; if the third one is chosen, you’re clearly not a Trump team player)
DO
YOU LIKE THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA? Yes, so
long as they’re fair to the President ____ Yes, if it’s FOX News ____
No, I hate the fake news including the New York Times, the Washington
Post and CNN ____ (any response is acceptable; extra marks for
choosing all three)
DO
YOU BEAR ANY RESEMBLANCE TO MELISSA MCCARTHY?
Yes ____ No ____
(a
“Yes” answer is disqualifying unless maybe you’re Sarah Huckabee Sanders or
Melissa McCarthy herself)
DO
YOU MIND WORKING IN THE DARK BOTH LITERALLY AND METAPHORICALLY? Yes
____ No ____
(if “Yes”, best to look elsewhere)
IF
A REPORTER RAISES THE ISSUE OF POSSIBLE COLLUSION BETWEEN THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN
TEAM AND RUSSIA, WHAT IS THE PROPER RESPONSE?
____ Scream at the reporter and threaten to take
away his or her White House privileges
____ Repeatedly cry “fake news” and/or “lamestream
media”
____ Why aren’t you investigating Hillary
Clinton’s ties to (a) Russia, (b) e-mail leaks and (c) child pornography?
____ Put your hands over your ears and repeatedly
say “I can’t hear you”, “I can’t hear you.”
____ Simply inform the reporter that the President
is cooperating with any and all investigations and looks forward to the results
(any
answer except the last one is acceptable; those choosing the last option have
obviously been raised in the Washington swamp)
IF
ASKED ABOUT THE PRESIDENT’S RELIANCE ON HIS FAMILY MEMBERS FOR POLITICAL
ADVICE, WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER?
____ It is very common in world politics for a
leader to rely on his family members
____ The President greatly values the insights of
his family members except maybe for Tiffany
____ Any organization would be lucky to have
Ivanka and Jared working for them
____ Donald, Jr. does not work for The White House
(full
marks for answers 1-3 and partial marks for answer 4 depending on whether or
not the President feels anyone needs to be thrown under the bus that particular
day)
HAVE
YOU EVER STUDIED UNDER KELLYANNE CONWAY?
Yes ____ No
____ (if “No”, consider enrolling
in her next course; if “Yes”, welcome aboard)
